It was all very well going about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact was that the disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.
(Colour of Magic)
%
'But it'll kill him!'
'It could have been worse.'
'What?'
'It could have been us.'
(Colour of Magic)
%
'Where do shadows come from? That's where the wind is blowing!'
(Colour of Magic)
%
'You're your own worst enemy, Rincewind,' said the sword.
Rincewind looked up at the grinning men.
'Bet?'
(Colour of Magic)
%
The only reason for walking into the jaws of Death is so's you can steal His gold teeth.
(Colour of Magic)
%
This is to say: while it was true that they had just appeared in this particular set of dimensions, it was also true that they had been living in them all along. It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.
(Colour of Magic)
%
I CAN BE ROBBED BUT NEVER DENIED, I TOLD MYSELF. WHY WORRY?
'I too cannot be cheated,' snapped Fate.
SO I HAVE HEARD.
(Colour of Magic)
%
And there were all the stars, looking remarkably like powered diamonds spilled on black velvet, the stars that lured and ultimately called the boldest towards them...
(Colour of Magic)
%
The Disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailors who get funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
If the laws of action and reaction had anything to do with it, it should have flopped to the ground a few feet away. But no-one was listening to them.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
'What shall we do?' said Twoflower.
'Panic?' said Rincewind hopefully.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
He felt that the darkness was full of unimaginable horrors - and the trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only too easy to imagine...
(The Light Fantastic)
%
He wasn't good or evil or cruel or extreme in any way but one, which was that he had elevated greyness to the status of a fine art and cultivated a mind that was as bleak and pitiless and logical as the slopes of Hell.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
'On whose authority?' demanded Wert. Trymon turned his grey eyes on him.
'Mine. I need no other.'
(The Light Fantastic)
%
It was the sort of grin people use when they stare at your left ear and tell you in an urgent tone of voice that they are being spied on by secret agents from the next galaxy. It was not a grin to inspire confidence. More horrible grins had probably been seen, but only on the sort of grinner that is orange with black stripes, has a long tail and hangs around in jungles looking for victims to grin at.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
THE DEATH OF A WARRIOR OR THE OLD MAN OR THE LITTLE CHILD, THIS I UNDERSTAND, AND I TAKE AWAY THE PAIN AND END THE SUFFERING. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS DEATH-OF-THE-MIND.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
'Listen,' said Rincewind. 'It's all over, do you see? You can't put the spells back in the book, you can't unsay what's been said, you can't-'
'You can try!'
(The Light Fantastic)
%
(...) there were far worse things than Evil. All the demons in Hell would torture your very soul, but that was precisely because they valued souls very highly; Evil would always try to steal the universe, but at least it considered the universe worth stealing. But the grey world behind those empty eyes would trample and destroy without even according its victims the dignity of hatred. It wouldn't even notice them.
(The Light Fantastic)
%
[...] she [Esk] was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so they don't apply to you.
(Equal Rites)
%
[...] a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. A person ignorant of the possibility of failure can be a half-brick in the path of the bicycle of history.
(Equal Rites)
%
'You're wizards!' she [Esk] screamed. 'Bloody well wizz!'
(Equal Rites)
%
the nasty little sound of a sword being unsheathed right behind one at just the point when one thought one had disposed of one's enemies
[...]
It was that kind of laugh.
(Equal Rites)
%
Tragic heroes always moan when the gods take an interest in them, but it's the people the gods ignore who get the really tough deals.
(Mort)
%
'Does he have people put to death?' said Mort.
SOMETIMES. THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO, WHEN YOU'RE A KING.
(Mort)
%
He felt as if he'd been shipwrecked on the Titanic but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania.
(Mort)
%
History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it.
(Mort)
%
People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns on it.
(Mort)
%
'Everything will be all right. From History's point of view, that is. There really isn't any other.'
(Mort)
%
'Pardon me for living, I'm sure.'
NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING.
(Mort)
%
'You know the worst of it?' said Rincewind.
'Oook?'
'I don't even remember walking under a mirror.'
(Mort)
%
He remembered the knowledge. He remembered feeling his mind as cold as ice and limitless as the night sky. He remembered being summoned into reluctant existence at the moment the first creature lived, in the certain knowledge that he would outlive life until the last being in the universe passed to its reward, when it would be his job, figuratively speaking, to put the chairs on the tables and turn all the lights off.
He remembered the loneliness.
(Mort)
%
NO. I CANNOT BE BIDDEN. I CANNOT BE FORCED. I WILL DO ONLY THAT WHICH I KNOW TO BE RIGHT.
(Mort)
%
SOURCERERS MAKE THEIR OWN DESTINY. THEY TOUCH THE EARTH LIGHTLY.
(Sourcery)
%
NOTHING IS FINAL. NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE. EXCEPT ME, OF COURSE. SUCH TINKERING WITH DESTINY COULD MEAN THE DOWNFALL OF THE WORLD. THERE MUST BE A CHANCE, HOWEVER SMALL. THE LAWYERS OF FATE DEMAND A LOOPHOLE IN EVERY PROPHECY.
(Sourcery)
%
The Drum jealously guarded its reputation as the most stylishly disreputable tavern in Ankh-Morpork and the big troll that now guarded the door carefully vetted customers for suitability in the way of black cloaks, glowing eyes, magic swords and so forth. Rincewind never found out what he did to the failures. Perhaps he ate them.
(Sourcery)
%
'Why?' he [Rincewind] said.
The world is going to end.
'What, again?'
(Sourcery)
%
'What good is a candle at noonday?'
(Sourcery)
%
The point about being killed by magic was that it was much more inventive than, say, steel; there were all sorts of interesting new ways to die, and he couldn't put out of his mind the shapes he'd seen, just for an instant, before the wash of octarine fire had mercifully engulfed them.
(Sourcery)
%
The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than soap, and much more difficult to find...
(Sourcery)
%
'Nothing works against magic. Except stronger magic. And then the only thing that beats stronger magic is even stronger magic. And the next thing you know...'
'Phooey?'
(Sourcery)
%
He [Rincewind] wondered how old the tower really was. Older than the University, certainly. Older than the city, which had formed about it like scree around a mountain. Maybe older than geography.
(Sourcery)
%
'The gods,' he said. 'Imprisoned in a thought. And perhaps they were never more than a dream.'
(Sourcery)
%
'It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.'
(Sourcery)
%
'Is it heroic to die like this?' said Conina.
'I think it is,' he said, 'and when it comes to dying, there's only one opinion that matters.'
(Sourcery)
%
Silence filled the University in the same way that air fills a hole. Night spread across the Disk like plum jam, or possibly blackberry preserve.
But there would be a morning. There would always be another morning.
(Sourcery)
%
It would be a pretty good bet that the gods of a world like this probably do not play chess and indeed this is the case. In fact no gods anywhere play chess. They haven't got the imagination. Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religions is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
On nights such as this, evil deeds are done. And good deeds, of course. But mostly evil deeds. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
'Why don't I feel angry?' 
GLANDS, said Death shortly. ADRENALIN AND SO FORTH. AND EMOTIONS. YOU DON'T HAVE THEM. ALL YOU HAVE NOW IS THOUGHT. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
Granny Weatherwax didn't hold with looking at the future, but now she could feel the future looking at her. She didn't like its expression at all. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
Matters in hand. He'd put matters in hand all right. If he closed his eyes he could see the body tumbling down the steps. Had there been a hiss of shocked breath, down in the darkness of the hall? He'd been certain they were alone. Matters in hand! He'd tried to wash the blood off his hands. If he could wash the blood off, he told himself, it wouldn't have happened. He'd scrubbed and scrubbed. Scrubbed till he screamed. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
'What ho, b'zugda-hiara.' (Footnote: A killing insult in Dwarfish. It means 'Lawn ornament'.) 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
'I know my rights [...] Dunnage, cowhage-in-ordinary, badinage, leftovers, scrommidge, clary and spunt. And acornage, every other year, and the right to keep two-thirds of a goat on the common.'
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
This man was clearly mad, but at the heart of his madness was a cold, dreadful sanity, a core of pure interstellar ice in the centre of the furnace. She'd thought him weak under a thin shell of strength, but it went a lot further than that. Somewhere deep inside his mind, somewhere beyond the event horizon of rationality, the sheer pressure of insanity had hammered his madness into something harder than diamond. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
Footnote: The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That's why everything is exactly the wrong way around. 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
'Witches just aren't like that,' said Magrat. 'We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it's wicked of them to say we don't. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.' 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
'I cannot! He has been kindness itself to me!' 
'And you can be Death itself to him.' 
(Wyrd Sisters)
%
The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins. Footnote: Never trust a species that grins all the time. It's up to something.
(Pyramids)
%
You Bastard was thinking: ...Delta squared. Thus, dimensional pressure k will result in a ninety-degree transformation in Chi(16/x/pu)t for a K-bundle of any three invariables. Or four minutes, plus or minus ten seconds...
The camel looked down at the great pads of his feet.
Let speed equal gallop.
(Pyramids)
%
Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.
(Pyramids)
%
'The trouble with my friend here is that he doesn't know the difference between a postulate and a metaphor of human existence. Or a hole in the ground.'
(Pyramids)
%
'What can I do? I'm only human,' he said aloud.
Someone said, Not all of you.
(Pyramids)
%
Chefet, Chefet, thought Dios. Maker of rings, weaver of metal. Now he's out of our heads, and see how his nails grow into claws...
(Pyramids)
%
Everything that was magical was just a way of describing the world in words it couldn't ignore.
(Pyramids)
%
'I knew the two of you would get along like a house on fire.' Screams, flames, people running for safety...
(Pyramids)
%
'They were myths and they were real,' he said loudly. 'Both a wave and a particle.'
(Guards! Guards!)
%
Thunder rolled... 
It is said that the gods play games with the fates of men. But what games, and why, and the identities of the actual pawns, and what the game is, and what the rules are - who knows?
Best not to speculate.
Thunder rolled...
It rolled a six.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
Of course, there were various groups seeking his overthrow, and this was right and proper and the sign of a vigorous and healthy society. No-one could call him unreasonable about the matter. Why, hadn't he founded most of them himself? And what was so beautiful was the way they spent nearly all their time bickering with one another.
Human nature, the Patrician always said, was a marvellous thing. Once you understood where its levers were.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
It was amazing, this mystic business. You tell them a lie, and then when you don't need it any more you tell them another lie and tell them they're progressing along the road to wisdom. Then instead of laughing they follow you even more, hoping that at the heart of all the lies they'll find the truth. And bit by bit they accept the unacceptable.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
Knowledge equals power...
(...)
Power equals energy...
People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.
Energy equals matter...
(...)
Matter equals mass.
And mass distorts space. It distorts it into polyfractal L-Space.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
'You have the right to remain silent,' he [Carrot] said. 'You have the right not to injure yourself falling down the steps on the way to the cells. You have the right not to jump out of high windows. You do not have to say anything, you see, but anything you do say, well, I have to take it down and it might be used as evidence.'
(Guards! Guards!)
%
You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless, and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape - the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes - we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
'I warn you, dragon, the human spirit is-'
They never found out what it was, or at least what he thought it was, although possibly in the dark hours of a sleepless night some of them might have remembered the subsequent events and formed a pretty good and gut-churning insight, to whit, that one of the things sometimes forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
'Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself,' said the Patrician (...). 'The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.'
(Guards! Guards!)
%
'Never trust a ruler who puts his faith in tunnels and bunkers and escape routes. The chances are that his heart isn't in the job.'
(Guards! Guards!)
%
But of course there were the rules. Everyone knew there were rules. They just had to hope like Hell that the gods knew the rules, too.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
He [Vimes]'d never felt really at home with swords, but a cleaver was a different matter. A cleaver had weight. It had purpose. A sword might have a certain nobility about it, unless it was the one belonging for example to Nobby, which relied on rust to hold it together, but what a cleaver had was a tremendous ability to cut things up.
(Guards! Guards!)
%
'I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people,' said the man [Vetinari]. 'You are wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.'
(Guards! Guards!)
%
IT WOULD BE A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE, said Death. EXACTLY A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE.
'Oh,' said the Bursar, intensely relieved. 'Oh dear. What a shame.'
(Eric)
%
Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as between terrorists and freedom fighters.
(Eric)
%
'There's something not right about this,' said Rincewind.
'What's that?' said the parrot.
'Everything.'
(Eric)
%
Forever was over. All the sands had fallen. The great race between entropy and energy had been run, and the favourite had been the winner after all.
Perhaps he ought to sharpen the blade again?
No.
Not much point, really.
(Eric)
%
'It's always a good thing to let a few tales spread, you know. Pour encouragy le-poor encoura-to make everyone sit up and damn well take notice.'
(Eric)
%
Reality is a curve.
That's not the problem. The problem is that there isn't as much as there should be. According to some of the more mystical texts in the stacks of the library of Unseen University - (...) - at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain on things.
(Moving Pictures)
%
'You know what the greatest tragedy is in the whole world?' said Ginger, not paying him the least attention. 'It's all the people who never find out what it is they really want to do or what it is they're really good at. It's all the sons who become blacksmiths because their fathers were blacksmiths. It's all the people who could be really fantastic flute players who grow old and die without ever seeing a musical instrument, so they become bad ploughmen instead. It's all the people with talents who never even find out. Maybe they are never born in a time when it is possible to find out.'
(Moving Pictures)
%
'How come you know all that stuff?'
'I ain't just a pretty face.'
'You aren't even a pretty face, Gaspode.'
(Moving Pictures)
%
Real magic is the hand around the bandsaw, the thrown spark in the powder keg, the dimension-warp linking you straight into the heart of a star, the flaming sword that burns all the way to the pommel.
(Moving Pictures)
%
'Why is it all Mr Dibbler's films are set against the background of a world gone mad?' said the dwarf.
Soll's eyes narrowed. 'Because Mr Dibbler,' he growled, 'is a very observant man.'
(Moving Pictures)
%
'You don't think you've had enough, do you?' he said.
I KNOW WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
'Everyone says that, though.
I KNOW WHEN EVERYONE'S HAD ENOUGH.
(Moving Pictures)
%
What was it they said about gods? They wouldn't exist if there weren't people to believe in them? And that applied to everything. Reality was what went on inside people's heads.
(Moving Pictures)
%
'There has to be enough light,' he panted, 'to see the darkness.'
(Moving Pictures)
%
THERE'S JUST ME, said Death. THE FINAL FRONTIER.
(Moving Pictures)
%
Something wonderful, if you took the log view, was about to happen.
If you took the short or medium view, something horrible was about to happen.
It's like the difference between seeing a beautiful new star in the winter sky and actually being close to the supernova. It's the difference between the beauty of morning dew on a cobweb and actually being a fly.
(Reaper Man)
%
If you could do a sort of relief map of sinfulness, wickedness and all-round immorality, rather like those representations of the gravitational field around a Black Hole, then even in Ankh-Morpork the Shades would be represented by a shaft. In fact the Shades was remarkably like the aforesaid well-known astrological phenomenon: it had a certain strong attraction, no light escaped from it, and it could indeed become a gateway to another world. The next one.
(Reaper Man)
%
'What is this thing, anyway?' said the Dean, inspecting the implement in his hands.
'It's called a shovel', said the Senior Wrangler. 'I've seen the gardeners use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a bit technical.'
(Reaper Man)
%
Belief is one of the most powerful organic forces in the multiverse. It may not be able to move mountains, exactly. But it can create someone who can.
(Reaper Man)
%
(...) IT IS NOT YET MIDNIGHT?
'I shouldn't think it's more than a quarter past eleven.'
THEN WE HAVE THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR
'How can you be sure?'
BECAUSE OF DRAMA, MISS FLITWORTH.. THE KIND OF DEATH WHO POSES AGAINST THE SKYLINE AND GETS LIT UP BY LIGHTNING FLASHES, said Bill Door, disapprovingly, DOESN'T TURN UP AT FIVE-AND-TWENTY PAST ELEVEN IF HE CAN POSSIBLY TURN UP AT MIDNIGHT.
(Reaper Man)
%
Windle shook his head sadly. Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
(Reaper Man)
%
'There's Mr Dibbler.'
'What's he selling this time?'
'I don't think he's trying to sell anything, Mr Poons.'
'It's that bad? Then we're probably in lots of trouble.'
(Reaper Man)
%
The reaper does not listen to the harvest.
(Reaper Man)
%
The new Death raised his cowl.
There was no face there. There was not even a skull. Smoke curled formlessly between the robe and a golden crown.
Bill Door raised himself on his elbows.
A CROWN? His voice shook with rage. I NEVER WORE A CROWN!
You never wanted to rule.
(Reaper Man)
%
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it's wrong. No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
(Reaper Man)
%
LORD, WE KNOW THERE IS NO GOOD ORDER EXCEPT THAT WHICH WE CREATE...
THERE IS NO HOPE BUT US. THERE IS NO MERCY BUT US. THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERE IS JUST US.
ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION.
AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END ONE DAY. LORD, WILL YOU GRANT ME JUST A LITTLE TIME? FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHT OF BIRDS.
LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
(Reaper Man)
%
Mirrors contain infinity.
Infinity contains more things than you think.
Everything, for a start.
Including hunger.
Because there's a million billion images, but only one soul to go around.
(Witches Abroad)
%
Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat.
(Witches Abroad)
%
'And stars don't care what you wish, and magic don't make things better, and no-one doesn't get burned who sticks their hand in a fire.'
(Witches Abroad)
%
In Genua, stories came to life. In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true.
Remember some of your dreams?
(Witches Abroad)
%
The wages of sin is death, but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.
(Witches Abroad)
%
She hated everything that predestined people, that fooled them, that made them slightly less than human.
(Witches Abroad)
%
The trouble with witches is that they'll never run away from things they really hate.
And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them's a mongoose.
(Witches Abroad)
%
[...] what was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness.
But half-way between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge... maybe then a witch could believe in the moon.
(Witches Abroad)
%
'Good and bad is tricky, she [Esme] said. 'I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.'
(Witches Abroad)
%
For a very few, the sky's the limit.
And, sometimes, not even that.
(Small Gods)
%
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
(Small Gods)
%
When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror.
(Small Gods)
%
'Yes, but humans are more important than animals,' said Brutha.
'This is a point of view often expressed by humans,' said Om.
(Small Gods) 
%
[...] the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different.
For sheep are stupid and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent and have to be led.
(Small Gods) 
%
'Winners never talk about glorious victories. That's because they're the ones who see what the battlefield looks like afterwards. It's only the losers who have glorious victories.'
(Small Gods)
%
'We get that in here some nights, when someone's had a few. Cosmic speculation about whether the gods exist. Next thing, there's a bolt of lightning through the door with a note wrapped round it saying, "Yes, we do" and a pair of sandals with smoke coming out.'
(Small Gods) 
%
'Life's like a beach. And then you die.'
(Small Gods)
%
'We'll never make it alive!'
CORRECT.
(Small Gods)
%
'Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.'
(Small Gods)
%
Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
(Small Gods)
%
'I think, if you want thousands, you've got to fight for one.'
(Small Gods)
%
Stone circles were common enough everywhere in the mountains. Druids built them as weather computers, and since it was always cheaper to build a new 33-Megalith circle than to upgrade an old slow one, there were generally plenty of ancient ones around
(Lords and Ladies)
%
 ...And sometimes there's a short cut. A door or a gate. Some standing stones. A tree cleft by lightning, a filing cabinet. Maybe just a spot onsome moorland somewhere... A place where THERE is very nearly HERE... 
If some people knew where such a spot was, if they had experience of what happens when here and there become entangled, then they might - if they knew how - mark such a spot with certain stones. In the hope that enough daft buggers would take it as awarning and keep away.
(Lords and Ladies) 
%
There used to be such simple directions, back in the days before they invented parallel universes - Up and Down, Right and Left, Backward and Forward, Past and Future...
But normal directions don't work in the multiverse, which has far too many dimensions for anyone to find their way. So new ones have to be invented so that the way can be found.
Like: East of the Sun, West of the Moon
Or: Behind the North Wind.
Or: At the Back of Beyond.
Or: There and Back Again.
Or: Beyond the Fields We Know.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!'
(Lords and Ladies)
%
The universe doesn't much care if you tread on a butterfly. There are plenty more butterflies. Gods might note the fall of a sparrow but they don't make any effort to catch them.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
This wasn't a proper land. The sky was blue, not flaming with all the colours of the aurora. And time was passing. To a creature not born subject to time, it was a sensation not unakin to falling.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
Footnote on the High Energy Magic building:
It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest possible particle of magic, was successfully demonstrated to be made up of resons (lit: 'Thing-ies) or reality fragments. Currently research indicates that each reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five 'flavours', known as 'up', 'down', 'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
(...) people didn't seem to be able to remember what it was like with the elves around. Life was certainly more interesting then, but usually because it was shorter. And it was more colourful, if you liked the colour of blood. 
(Lords and Ladies)
%
We only remembers that the elves sang. We forgets what it was they were singing about.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'The only reason we're still alive now is that we're more fun alive than dead,' said Granny's voice behind her.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'I don't like to ask them questions.'
'Why not?'
'They might give me answers. And then what would I do?'
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'Oook?'
'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk! Whoops! Sawdust and treacle! Put that in your herring and smoke it!'
'I don't think he wants one,' said Ponder.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
The cat turned and tried to find a place of safety in the suit's breastplate. He was beginning to doubt he'd make it through the knight.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
Up the airy mountains, down the rushy glen...
From ghosties and bogles and long-leggity beasties...
My mother said I never should...
We dare not go a-hunting for fear...
And things that go bump...
Play with the fairies in the wood...
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'But look,' said Ponder, 'the graveyards are full of people who rushed in bravely but unwisely.'
'Ook.'
'What did he say?' said the Bursar.
'I think he said, "Sooner or later the graveyards are full of everybody".'
(Lords and Ladies)
%
Humans are always slightly lost. It's a basic characteristic. It explains a lot about them.
(Lords and Ladies)
%
'You make us want what we can't have and what you give us is worth nothing and what you take is everything and all there is left for us is the cold hillside, and emptiness, and the laughter of the elves.'
(Lords and Ladies)
%
##########################
%
He [Edward d'Eath] could think in italics. Such people needed watching.
Preferably from a safe distance.
(Men at Arms)
%
'Sometimes there has to be a civil war, and sometimes, afterwards, it's best to pretend something didn't happen. Sometimes people have to do a job, and then they have to be forgotten.'
(Men at Arms)
%
'There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad.'
Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror.
'Gosh.'
(Men at Arms)
%
'I thought dwarfs didn't believe in devils and demons and stuff like that.'
'That's true, but... we're not sure if they know.'
(Men at Arms)
%
I'm on the path, he thought. I don't have to know where it leads. I just have to follow.
(Men at Arms)
%
'There's a limit to the power of a spring, no matter how tightly one winds it.'
'Oh, yes. Yes. And you hope that if you wind a spring one way, all its energies will unwind the other way. And sometimes you have to wind the spring as tight as it will go,' said Vetinari,' and pray it doesn't break.'
(Men at Arms)
%
'Where's the gritsucker? And the rock?'
'Ah,' said Vimes, 'you are referring to those representative members of our fellow sapient races who have chosen to throw in their lots with the people of this city?'
'I mean the dwarf and the troll,' said Quirke.
(Men at Arms)
%
'I'll see you all tomorrow. If there is one.'
(Men at Arms)
%
He glanced cautiously at the dancing shapes, which made weird and worrying shapes on the far wall - strange biped animals, eldritch underground things...
Carrot sighed.
'Stop making shadow pictures, Detritus.'
(Men at Arms)
%
He [Carrot] could lead armies, Angua thought. He really could. Some people have inspired whole countries to great deeds because of the power of their vision. And so could he. Not because he dreams about marching hordes, or world domination, or an empire of a thousand years. Just because he thinks that everyone's really decent underneath and would get along just fine if only they made an effort, and he believes that strongly it burns like a flame that is bigger than he is.
(Men at Arms)
%
'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two.'
(Men at Arms)
%
'He's mad, isn't he?'
'No, mad's when you froth at the mouth,' said Gaspode. ' He's insane. That's when you froth at the brain.'
(Men at Arms)
%
Personal isn't the same as important. What sort of person could think like that? And it dawned on him that while Ankh in the past had had its share of evil rulers, and simply bad rulers, it had never yet come under the heel of a good ruler. That might be the most terrifying prospect of all.
(Men at Arms)
%
Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.
Or what, for that matter.
(Soul Music)
%
'And I suppose you know what sound is made by one hand clapping, do you?' said the holy man nastily.
YES. CL. THE OTHER HAND MAKES THE AP.
(Soul Music)
%
'I'm a raven, aren't I?' it said. 'One of the few birds who speak. The first thing people say is, oh, you're a raven, go on, say the N word... If I had a penny for every time that's happened, I'd-'
(Soul Music)
%
This was music that had not only escaped but had robbed a bank on the way out. It was music with its sleeves rolled up and its top button undone, raising its hat and grinning and stealing the silver.
It was music that went down to the feet by way of the pelvis without paying a call on Mr. Brain.
(Soul Music)
%
(...) perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain.
(Soul Music)
%
TO CHANGE THE FATE OF ONE INDIVIDUAL IS TO CHANGE THE WORLD. I REMEMBER THAT. SO SHOULD YOU.
Death still hadn't turned to face her.
'I don't see why we shouldn't change things if it makes the world better,' said Susan.
HAH.
'Are you too scared to change the world?'
Death turned. The very sight of his expression made Susan back away.
He advanced slowly towards her. His voice, when it came, was a hiss.
YOU SAY THAT TO ME? YOU STAND THERE IN YOUR PRETTY DRESS AND SAY THAT TO ME? YOU? YOU PRATTLE ON ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD? COULD YOU FIND THE COURAGE TO ACCEPT IT? TO KNOW WHAT MUST BE DONE AND DO IT, WHATEVER THE COST? IS THERE ONE HUMAN BEING ANYWHERE WHO KNOWS WHAT DUTY MEANS?
(Soul Music)
%
'(...) And the Patrician has been ironical at me,' said Mr. Clete. 'I'm not having that again.'
(Soul Music)
%
Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.
(Soul Music)
%
'Who's that playing now, Mr. Dibbler?'
'"And you".'
'Sorry, Mr. Dibbler?'
'Only they write it &U,' said Dibbler.
(Soul Music)
%
It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.
(Soul Music)
%
Never age. Never die. Live for ever in that one last white-hot moment, when the crowd screamed. When every note was a heartbeat. Burn across the sky.
You will never grow old. They will never say you died.
(Soul Music)
%
You could save people. You could get there in the nick of time. And something could snap its fingers and say, no , it has to be that way. Let me tell you how it has to be. This is how the legend goes.
(Soul Music)
%
SOME SHADOWS ARE SO LONG, THEY ARRIVE BEFORE THE LIGHT.
(Soul Music)
%
According to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle, chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.
(Interesting Times)
%
He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to explode in your face. Just when he thought he'd found it he'd be suddenly involved in what he supposed other people - thoughtless, feckless people - would call an adventure. And he'd be forced to visit many strange lands and meet exotic and colourful people, although not for very long because usually he'd be running. He'd seen the creation of the universe, although not from a good seat, and had visited Hell and the afterlife. He'd been captured, imprisoned, rescued, lost and marooned. Sometimes it had all happened on the same day.
(Interesting Times)
%
'They're the cream!'
Rincewind sighed.
'Cohen, they're the cheese.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'Luck is my middle name,' said Rincewind, indistinctly. 'Mind you, my first name is Bad.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'Long Live The Changing Things To A More Equitable State While Retaining Due Respect For The Traditions Of Our Forebears And Of Course Not Harming The August Personage Of The Emperor Endeavour!'
(Interesting Times)
%
'It's a lovely morning, lads,' he said. 'I feel like a million dollars. Don't you?'
There was a murmur of reluctant agreement.
'Good,' said Cohen. 'Let's go and get some.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'I'll tell you this!' shouted Rincewind. 'I'd rather trust me than history! Oh, shit, did I just say that?'
(Interesting Times)
%
'Pcharn'kov!' Footnote: 'Your feet shall be cut off and be buried several yards from your body so your ghost won't walk.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'They say that whoever pays the piper calls the tune.'
'But, gentlemen,' said Mr Saveloy, 'whoever holds a knife to the piper's throat writes the symphony.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'It must have been Fate that brought you here,' said Twoflower.
'Yes, it's the sort of thing he likes to do,' said Rincewind.
(Interesting Times)
%
'Have you lost your senses?'
'Yes, but I may have found some better ones.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'I don't see why everyone depends on me. I'm not dependable. Even I don't depend on me, and I'm me.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'If you sow dragons' teeth, you should get dragons. Not fighting skeletons. What did it say on the packet?'
'I don't know! The myth never said anything about them coming in a packet!'
'Should have said "Comes up Dragons" on the packet.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'I thought we could do it without anyone getting hurt. By using our brains.'
'Can't. History don't work like that. Blood first, then brains.'
'Mountains of skulls,' said Truckle.
'There's got to be a better way than fighting,' said Mr Saveloy.
'Yep. Lots of 'em. Only none of 'em work.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'You know me,' said Rincewind. 'Just when I'm getting a grip on something Fate comes along and jumps on my fingers.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'Oh, I never play to win.' She smiled. 'But I do play not to lose.'
(Interesting Times)
%
'Now what?' it said.
IT'S UP TO YOU. IT'S ALWAYS UP TO YOU.
(Maskerade)
%
    Ahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Aahahaha!  
    BEWARE!!!!!  
    Yrs sincerely  
    The Opera Ghost  
(Maskerade)
%
FOUR QUEENS. HMM. THAT IS VERY HIGH.
Death looked down at his cards, and then up into Granny's steady, blue-eyed gaze.
Neither moved for some time.
Then Death laid the hand on the table.
I LOSE, he said. ALL I HAVE IS FOUR ONES.
(Maskerade)
%
It was where the city kept all those things it occasionally needed but was uneasy about, like the Watch-house, the theatres, the prison and the publishers. It was the place for all those things which might go off bang in unexpected ways.
(Maskerade)
%
Looking into Granny's eyes was like looking into a mirror. What you saw looking back at you was yourself, and there was no hiding place.
(Maskerade)
%
...he'd moved like music, like someone dancing to a rhythm inside his head. And his face for a moment in the moonlight was the skull of an angel...
(Maskerade)
%
'It's still a lie. Like the lie about masks.'
'What lie about masks?'
'The way people say they hide faces.'
'They do hide faces,' said Nanny Ogg.
'Only the one on the outside.'
(Maskerade)
%
'What's the first thing you'd take out of a burning house?'
'I reckon I'd take Greebo. 'Cos that shows I've got a warm and considerate nature.' - Gytha "Nanny" Ogg, a witch
'What would you like me to take, madam?' - Mr Salzella, a... no, I won't!
'The fire.' - Walter Plinge
'Who set fire to it?' - an undercover policeman
(Maskerade)
%
'It's easy to hold everything in common when no one's got anything.'
(Maskerade)
%
'But you ain't part of it, are you?' said Granny conversationally. 'You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?'
(Maskerade)
%
People who would not believe a High Priest if he said the sky was blue, and was able to produce signed affidavits to this effect from his white-haired old mother and three Vestal virgins, would trust just about anything whispered darkly behind their hand by a complete stranger.
(Maskerade)
%
'There's a kind of magic in masks. Masks conceal one face, but reveal another. The one that only comes out in darkness. I bet you could do just what you liked, behind a mask...?'
(Maskerade)
%
'Oh, them as makes the endings don't get them,' said Granny.
(Maskerade)
%
I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.
(Feet of Clay)
%
Slab: Jus' say 'AarrghaarrghpleeassennononoUGH'.
(Feet of Clay)
%
Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...
(Feet of Clay)
%
It was easy to be a vegetarian by day. It was preventing yourself from becoming a humanitarian at night that took the real effort.
(Feet of Clay)
%
'They think they want good government and justice for all, Vimes, yet what is it they really crave, deep in their hearts? Only that things go on as normal and tomorrow is pretty much like today.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.
(Feet of Clay)
%
History had wanted surgery. Sometimes Dr Chopper is the only surgeon to hand. There's something final about an axe.
(Feet of Clay)
%
'In the Fyres of Struggle let us bake New Men, who Will Notte heed the old Lies.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
No one heard the cry that came back from the dead skull, because there was no mouth to utter it and not even a mind to guide it, but it screamed out into the night:
CLAY OF MY CLAY, THOU SHALT NOT KILL! THOU SHALT NOT DIE!
(Feet of Clay)
%
The real world was far too real to leave neat little hints. It was full of too many things. It wasn't by eliminating the impossible that you got at the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities.
(Feet of Clay)
%
'They've given us the answers,' he [Carrot] said. 'Perhaps we can find out what the questions should have been.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
'Vetinari isn't mad.'
'Depends how you look at it. No one can be as sane as he is without being mad.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
'I like the sound of that,' said Mrs Palm.
'I like the echoes,' said Dr Downey.
(Feet of Clay)
%
A lot of people and the smell of sausages meant a performance of the street theatre that was life in Ankh-Morpork.
(Feet of Clay)
%
"He raised his hammer defiantly and opened his mouth to say, "Oh, yeah?" but stopped, because just by his ear he heard a growl. It was quite low and soft, but it had a complex little waveform which went straight down into a little knobbly bit in his spinal column where it pressed an ancient button marked Primal Terror."
(Feet of Clay)
%
You couldn't say, 'I had orders.' You couldn't say, 'It's not fair.' No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself.
...
Not Thou Shalt Not. Say I Will Not.
(Feet of Clay)
%
'It's time to-'
'Prod buttock, sir?' said Carrot, hurriedly.
'Close,' said Vimes, taking a deep drag and blowing out a smoke ring, 'but no cigar.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
'Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!'
(Feet of Clay)
%
WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN
(Feet of Clay)
%
'That's blasphemy,' said the vampire.
He gasped as Vimes shot him a glance like sunlight. 'That's what people say when the voiceless speak.'
(Feet of Clay)
%
'Tell me, sir Samuel, do you know the phrase "Quis custodiet isos custodes?"? (...) It means "Who guards the guards themselves?" (...) Who watches the Watch?'
(Feet of Clay)
%
'Somewhere, A Crime Is Happening,' said Dorfl.
(Feet of Clay)
%
Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvellous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken.
(Hogfather)
%
The omnipotent eyesight of various supernatural entities is often remarked upon. It is said that they can see the fall of every sparrow.
And this may be true. But there is only one who is always there when it hits the ground.
(Hogfather)
%
'Never say die, master. That's our motto, eh?'
I CAN'T SAY IT'S EVER REALLY BEEN MINE.
(Hogfather)
%
It wasn't that her [Susan's] parents didn't believe in such things. They didn't need to believe in them. They knew they existed. They just wished they didn't.
(Hogfather)
%
'Yeah, well, I didn't sign up for world domination,' said Medium Dave. 'That sort of thing gets you into trouble.'
(Hogfather)
%
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
(Hogfather)
%
'Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get.'
(Hogfather)
%
You only had to look into Teatime's mismatched eyes to know one thing, which was this: if Teatime wanted to find you he would not look everywhere. He'd look in only one place, which would be the place where you were hiding.
(Hogfather)
%
AUDITORS OF REALITY. THEY THINK OF LIFE AS A STAIN ON THE UNIVERSE. A PESTILENCE. MESSY. GETTING IN THE WAY.
'In the way of what?'
THE EFFICIENT RUNNING OF THE UNIVERSE.
(Hogfather)
%
'I'm not a thief, madam. But if I were, I would be the kind that steals fire from the gods.'
'We've already got fire.'
'There must be an upgrade by now.'
(Hogfather)
%
Worlds of belief, she [Susan] thought. Just like oysters. A little piece of shit gets in and then a pearl grows around it.
(Hogfather)
%
' I really should talk to him, sir. He's had a near-death experience!'
'We all do. It's called living.'
(Hogfather)
%
YOU [humans] NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?
(Hogfather)
%
'Why are our people going out there?' said Mr Boggis of the Thieves' Guild.
'Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and... additional wealth in a new land,' said Lord Vetinari.
'What's in it for the Klatchians?' said Lord Downey.
'Oh, they've gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for nothing,' said Lord Vetinari. [...] The Patrician looked down again at his notes. 'Oh, I do beg your pardon,' he said. 'I seem to have read those last two sentences in the wrong order.
(Jingo)
%
'Can't argue with the truth, sir.'
'In my experience, Vimes, you can argue with anything.'
(Jingo)
%
'Detectoring is like gambling,' said Vimes, putting down the clove. 'The secret is to know the winner in advance.'
(Jingo)
%
'And trust no-- Trust practically no-one. All right? Except trustworthy people.'
(Jingo)
%
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
(Jingo)
%
'I'm just going to kick some arse dear'
'Oh, good. Just be sure you wrap up well, then.'
(Jingo)
%
'My strength is like the strength of ten because my heart is pure,' said Carrot.
'Really? Well, there's eleven of them.'
(Jingo)
%
Someone's behind this. Someone wants to see a war. [...] I've got to remember that. This isn't a war. This is a crime.
(Jingo)
%
'It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country,' he read. 'This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.'
(Jingo)
%
'We'll all be killed.'
'Think of it as the lesser of two evils.'
'What's the other one?'
Vimes drew his sword.
'Me.'
(Jingo)
%
The night is always old. He'd walked too often down dark streets in the secret hours and felt the night stretching away, and known in his blood that while days and kings and empires come and go, the night is always the same age, always aeons deep. Terrors unfolded in the velvet shadows and while the nature of the talons may change, the nature of the beast does not.
(Jingo)
%
'And I promise you this,' he [Carrot] shouted, 'if we succeed, no-one will remember. And if we fail, no one will forget!'
(Jingo)
%
'A man like that could inspire a handful of broken men to conquer a country.'
'Fine. Just so long as he does it on his day off.'
(Jingo)
%
All tribal myths are true, for a given value of 'true'.
(The Last Continent)
%
Death was familiar with the concept of the eternal, ever-renewed hero, the champion with a thousand faces. He'd refrained from commenting.
(The Last Continent)
%
'When you've been a wizard as long as I have, my boy, you'll learn that as soon as you find anything that offers amazing possibilities for the improvement of the human condition, it's best to put the lid back on and pretend it never happened.'
(The Last Continent)
%
There are many reasons for being friends with someone. The fact that he's pointing a deadly weapon at you is among the top four.
(The Last Continent)
%
'Begone From This Place Or I Will Smite Thee!' he [the god] commanded.
'Why?'
(The Last Continent)
%
Once upon a time the plural of 'wizard' was 'war'.
(The Last Continent)
%
When treading water in a circle of sharks, a wizard will always consider other wizards to be the most immediate danger.
(The Last Continent)
%
One of the most basic rules of survival on any planet is never to upset someone wearing black leather.
(The Last Continent)
%
The ability to ask question like 'Where am I and who is the "I" that is asking?' is one of the things that distinguishes mankind from, say, cuttlefish.
(The Last Continent)
%
Supposing there was justice for all, after all? For every unheeded beggar, every harsh word, every neglected duty, every slight... every choice... Because that was the point, wasn't it? You had to choose. You might be right, you might be wrong, but you had to choose, knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you were deciding between two sorts of wrong, that there was no right anywhere. And always, always, you did it by yourself. You were the one there, on the edge, watching and listening. Never any tears, never any apology, never any regrets... You saved all that up in a way that could be used when needed.
(Carpe Jugulum)
%
She'd always tried to face towards the light. She'd always tried to face towards the light. But the harder you stared into the brightness the harsher it burned into you until, at last, the temptation picked you up and bid you turn around to see how long, rich, strong and dark, streaming away behind you, your shadow had become-
(Carpe Jugulum)
%
Vampires are [...] by nature as co-operative as sharks.
Vampyres are just the same, the only real difference being that they can't spell properly.
(Carpe Jugulum)
%
'People need vampires,' she [Granny] said. 'They helps 'em remember what stakes and garlic are for.'
(Carpe Jugulum)
%
'Ah... I see that the new traffic division is having the desired effect.' He indicated a large pile of paper. 'I am getting any amount of complaints from the Carters' and Drovers' Guild. Well done. Do pass on my thanks to sergeant Colin and his team.'
'I will, sir.'
'I see in one day they clamped seventeen carts, ten horses, eighteen oxen and one duck.'
'It was parked illegally, sir.'
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
He was Igor, son of Igor, nephew of several Igors, brother of Igors and cousin of more Igors than he could remember without checking up in his diary. Igors did not change a winning formula. {Footnote: Especially if it was green, and bubbled.}
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
Knowledge, information, power, words... fluing through the air, invisible...
And suddenly the world was tap-dancing on quicksand.
In that case, the prize went to the best dancer.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
What would be the point of cyphering messages that ery clever enemies couldn't break? You'd end up not knowing what they thought you thought they were thinking...
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
All Hell hadn't been let loose. It was merely Detritus. But from a few feet away you couldn't tell the difference.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
'They come back to the mountains to die,' said the King.
'They live in Ankh-Morpork.'
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
'Are you Death?'
IT'S THE SCYTHE, ISN'T IT? PEOPLE ALWAYS NOTICE THE SCYTHE.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
IT'S BECAUSE OF THE UNCERTAINITY PRINCIPLE.
'What's that?'
I'M NOT SURE.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE WORDS 'DEATH WAS HIS CONSTANT COMPANION'? 'But I don't usually see you!'
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
The true prize was control. Lord Vetinari knew that. When heavy weights were balanced on the scales, the trick was to know where to place your thumb.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
If you [Carrot] were dice, you'd always roll sixes.
And the dice don't roll themselves. If it wasn't against everything he wanted to be true about the world, Vimes might just then have believed in destiny controlling people. And gods help the other people who were around when a big destiny was alive in the world, bending every poor bugger around itself...
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
It was not, it could not be real.
But in the roaring air he knew that it was, for all who needed to believe, and in a belief so strong that truth was not the same as fact... he knew that for now, and yesterday, and tomorrow, both the thing, and the whole of the thing.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
All he [Vimes] knew was that you couldn't hope to try for the big stuff, like world peace and happiness, but you might just about be able to achieve some tiny deed that'd make the world, in a small way, a better place.
Like shooting someone.
(The Fifth Elephant)
%
The world is made of four elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water.
This is a fact well known even to Corporal Nobbs. It's also wrong.
There's a fifth element, and generally it's called Suprise.
(The Truth)
%
Good old Dame Fortune. You can _depend_ on her. 
(The Truth)
%
'Do you know what they call a sausage-in-a-bun in Quirm?'
'No?' said Mr Tulip
'They called it le sausage-in-le-bun.'
'What, in a --ing foreign language? You're --ing kidding!' 
(The Truth)
%
"A thousand years ago we thought the world was a bowl. Five hundred years ago we knew it was a globe. Today we know it is flat and round carried through space on the back of a turtle. Don't you wonder what shape it will turn out to be tomorrow?" [Lord Vetinari] 
(The Truth)
%
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN? 
The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of potato. 
SQUEAK, he said. 
Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY *ME*, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE. 
(The Truth)
%
Nine-tenths of the universe is the knowledge of the position and direction of everything in the other tenth. Every atom has its biography, every star its file, every chemical exchange its equivalent of the inspector with a clipboard. It is unaccounted for because it is doing the accounting for the rest of it. 
Nine-tenths of the universe, in fact, is the paperwork. 
(The Thief of Time)
%
They were the observers of the operation of the universe, its clerks, its auditors. They saw to it that things spun and rocks fell. 
And they believed that for a thing to exist it had to have a position in time and space. Humanity had arrived as a nasty shock. Humanity practically was things that didn't have a position in time and space, such as imagination, pity, hope, history and belief. Take those away and all you had was an ape that fell out of trees a lot. 
(The Thief of Time)
%
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH," the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. 
%
An edge witch is one who makes her living on the edges, in that moment when boundary conditions apply - between life and death, light and dark, good and evil and, most dangerously of all, today and tomorrow.
(The Thief of Time)
%
Here are people who know that there is no steel, only the idea of steel.
Footnote: But they still use forks, or, at least, the idea of forks. There may, as the philosopher says, be no spoon, although this begs the question of why there is the idea of soup.
(The Thief of Time)
%
'Things either exist or they don't,' said Jeremy. 'I am very clear about that. I have medicine.'
(The Thief of Time)
%
'Dojo! What is Rule One?'
Even the cowering challenger mumbled along to the chorus:
'Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!'
(The Thief of Time)
%
In the words of one of the founding Igors: 'We belong dead? Ecthcuthe me? Where doeth it thay "we"?'
(The Thief of Time)
%
The Auditors avoided death by never going so far as to get a life
(The Thief of Time)
%
'Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questiona and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?'
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: 'A fish!'
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.
(The Thief of Time)
%
Sometimes the gods have no taste at all. They allow sunrises and sunsets in ridiculous pink and blue hues that any professional artist would dismiss as the work of some enthsiastic amateur who'd never looked at a real sunset. This was one of those sunrises. It was the kind of sunrise a man looks at and says, 'No real sunrise could paint the sky Surgical Appliance Pink.'
Nevertheless, it was beautiful.
(The Thief of Time)
%
I have seen galaxies die. I have watched atoms dance. But until I had the dark behind the eyes, I didn't know the death from the dance.
(The Thief of Time)
